Today is really not, a good day. No.
Anonymous asked: You know me but not personally and I'm 99% sure you have this horrible opinion of me because I haven't been exactly fair to you. I just want to say that you're a good guy and you only do what you do to protect people which is one of the loveliest traits in you. I wish things were different because I'd love to buy us a take out and chill as buddies. Anyway despite it being hard, I hope you find a silver lining soon - take care x
Letting me know who you are might be a start tbh
Anonymous asked: You don't want to be his friend anon. He'll push you away.
Many people say to me ‘oh if you truly wanted to die you would go through any sort of physical pain or fear to do it..’
Well…. Mr ‘expert of suicidal thoughts’
There are some people in this world that wouldn’t want to ruin other peoples days or even scar people for life. Imagine jumping in front of a train. Or jumping off a tall building… As much as it would use all of the minimal confidence you have left to bring yourself to actually do that, all the people that have to go through that with you and witness that and clean up your mess, have to be late for work cause trains got delayed or roads closed off. I just don’t like the thought of that.
I want to go peacefully, like as asleep. I don’t want to be uncomfortable or in pain doing so. When I did the bad overdose last year, which did result in my heart stopping beating and me breThing and resuscitation is the reason I’m here now, but the point was, I took all those meds, and I could feel myself leaving that body and I felt lighter and lighter. I did it as i watched the sun go down into the sea from the beach. And I’ve never felt more at peace in my life. If that was a time to go, that was it.
And that’s all I want now, to just go, at peace. Knowing anyone that finds me isn’t going to come across a mangled corpse.
But unfortuatly I don’t have the resources to do that anymore. Coming across the right drugs to do that is hard. I can keep trying with the mdma but it never quite gets me there, maybe I’ve been close but not close enough.
And everyday that goes by that I wake up into this shitty room, in this shitty city filled with shitty people, in this shitty world I just want it more and more. I don’t have anything. I have so much less than last year. No friends, no family, no job, no money to feed myself or to afford shampoo and soap to shower properly. I’m just fucking fed up with it all. I’m done and my mind is more than set on this. It will happen though, just when it works is what I can’t promise.
Anonymous asked: i’ll be your friend
I want to just sleep forever.